diff --git a/pages/api/allNCTradeValues.js b/pages/api/allNCTradeValues.js
index 06381e5..3112776 100644
--- a/pages/api/allNCTradeValues.js
+++ b/pages/api/allNCTradeValues.js
@@ -79,20 +79,26 @@ async function loadOWLSValuesByIdOrName() {
   }
 
   const itemValuesByIdOrName = {};
-  for (const [itemName, value] of Object.entries(json)) {
+  for (const [itemName, valueText] of Object.entries(json)) {
     // OWLS returns an empty string for NC Mall items they don't have a trade
     // value for, to allow the script to distinguish between NP items vs
     // no-data NC items. We omit it from our data instead, because our UI is
     // already aware of whether the item is NP or NC.
-    if (value.trim() === "") {
+    if (valueText.trim() === "") {
       continue;
     }
 
     // TODO: OWLS doesn't currently provide item IDs ever. Add support for it
     //       if it does! (I'm keeping the rest of the code the same because I
-    //       think that might happen for disambiguation, like Waka did.)
+    //       think that might happen for disambiguation, like Waka did.) Until
+    //       then, we just always key by name.
     const normalizedItemName = normalizeItemName(itemName);
-    itemValuesByIdOrName[normalizedItemName] = value;
+
+    // We wrap it in an object with the key `valueText`, just to not break
+    // potential external consumers of this endpoint if we add more fields.
+    // (This is kinda silly and unnecessary, but it should get gzipped out and
+    // shouldn't add substantial time to building or parsing, so like w/e!)
+    itemValuesByIdOrName[normalizedItemName] = { valueText };
   }
 
   return itemValuesByIdOrName;
diff --git a/src/app/ItemPage.js b/src/app/ItemPage.js
index e759010..ae6e6b7 100644
--- a/src/app/ItemPage.js
+++ b/src/app/ItemPage.js
@@ -36,7 +36,13 @@ import { useQuery, useMutation } from "@apollo/client";
 import { Link, useParams } from "react-router-dom";
 
 import ItemPageLayout, { SubtleSkeleton } from "./ItemPageLayout";
-import { Delay, logAndCapture, useLocalStorage, usePageTitle } from "./util";
+import {
+  Delay,
+  logAndCapture,
+  MajorErrorMessage,
+  useLocalStorage,
+  usePageTitle,
+} from "./util";
 import HTML5Badge, { layerUsesHTML5 } from "./components/HTML5Badge";
 import {
   itemAppearanceFragment,
@@ -77,7 +83,7 @@ export function ItemPageContent({ itemId, isEmbedded }) {
           thumbnailUrl
           description
           createdAt
-          wakaValueText
+          ncTradeValueText
 
           # For Support users.
           rarityIndex
@@ -91,7 +97,7 @@ export function ItemPageContent({ itemId, isEmbedded }) {
   usePageTitle(data?.item?.name, { skip: isEmbedded });
 
   if (error) {
-    return <Box color="red.400">{error.message}</Box>;
+    return <MajorErrorMessage error={error} />;
   }
 
   const item = data?.item;
diff --git a/src/app/ItemPageLayout.js b/src/app/ItemPageLayout.js
index 562af96..e393a89 100644
--- a/src/app/ItemPageLayout.js
+++ b/src/app/ItemPageLayout.js
@@ -5,7 +5,6 @@ import {
   Flex,
   Popover,
   PopoverArrow,
-  PopoverBody,
   PopoverContent,
   PopoverTrigger,
   Portal,
@@ -16,12 +15,7 @@ import {
   useToast,
   VStack,
 } from "@chakra-ui/react";
-import {
-  ExternalLinkIcon,
-  ChevronRightIcon,
-  QuestionIcon,
-  WarningTwoIcon,
-} from "@chakra-ui/icons";
+import { ExternalLinkIcon, ChevronRightIcon } from "@chakra-ui/icons";
 import { gql, useMutation } from "@apollo/client";
 
 import {
@@ -159,44 +153,15 @@ function ItemPageBadges({ item, isEmbedded }) {
       {item.isNc && (
         <SubtleSkeleton
           isLoaded={
-            // Distinguish between undefined (still loading) and null (loaded and
-            // empty).
-            item.wakaValueText !== undefined
+            // Distinguish between undefined (still loading) and null (loaded
+            // and empty).
+            item.ncTradeValueText !== undefined
           }
         >
-          {shouldShowWaka() && item.wakaValueText && (
-            <>
-              {/* For hover-y devices, use a hover popover over the badge. */}
-              <Box sx={{ "@media (hover: none)": { display: "none" } }}>
-                <WakaPopover trigger="hover">
-                  <LinkBadge
-                    href="http://www.neopets.com/~waka"
-                    colorScheme="yellow"
-                  >
-                    <WarningTwoIcon marginRight="1" />
-                    Waka: {item.wakaValueText}
-                  </LinkBadge>
-                </WakaPopover>
-              </Box>
-              {/* For touch-y devices, use a tappable help icon. */}
-              <Flex
-                sx={{ "@media (hover: hover)": { display: "none" } }}
-                align="center"
-              >
-                <LinkBadge
-                  href="http://www.neopets.com/~waka"
-                  colorScheme="yellow"
-                >
-                  <WarningTwoIcon marginRight="1" />
-                  Waka: {item.wakaValueText}
-                </LinkBadge>
-                <WakaPopover>
-                  <Flex align="center" fontSize="sm" paddingX="2" tabIndex="0">
-                    <QuestionIcon />
-                  </Flex>
-                </WakaPopover>
-              </Flex>
-            </>
+          {item.ncTradeValueText && (
+            <LinkBadge href="http://www.neopets.com/~owls">
+              OWLS: {item.ncTradeValueText}
+            </LinkBadge>
           )}
         </SubtleSkeleton>
       )}
@@ -439,55 +404,4 @@ function ShortTimestamp({ when }) {
   );
 }
 
-function WakaPopover({ children, ...props }) {
-  return (
-    <Popover placement="bottom" {...props}>
-      <PopoverTrigger>{children}</PopoverTrigger>
-      <Portal>
-        <PopoverContent>
-          <PopoverArrow />
-          <PopoverBody fontSize="sm">
-            <p>
-              <strong>
-                The Waka Guide for NC trade values is closing down!
-              </strong>{" "}
-              We're sad to see them go, but excited that the team gets to move
-              onto the next phase in their life 💖
-            </p>
-            <Box height="1em" />
-            <p>
-              The Waka guide was last updated August 7, 2021, so this value
-              might not be accurate anymore. Consider checking in with the
-              Neoboards!
-            </p>
-            <Box height="1em" />
-            <p>
-              Thanks again to the Waka team for letting us experiment with
-              sharing their trade values here. Best wishes for everything to
-              come! 💜
-            </p>
-          </PopoverBody>
-        </PopoverContent>
-      </Portal>
-    </Popover>
-  );
-}
-
-// August 21, 2021. (The month uses 0-indexing, but nothing else does! 🙃)
-const STOP_SHOWING_WAKA_AFTER = new Date(2021, 7, 21, 0, 0, 0, 0);
-
-/**
- * shouldShowWaka returns true if, according to the browser, it's not yet
- * August 21, 2021. It starts returning false at midnight on Aug 21.
- *
- * That way, our Waka deprecation message is on an auto-timer. After Aug 21,
- * it's safe to remove all Waka UI code, and the Waka API endpoint and GraphQL
- * fields. (It might be kind to return a placeholder string for the GraphQL
- * case!)
- */
-function shouldShowWaka() {
-  const now = new Date();
-  return now < STOP_SHOWING_WAKA_AFTER;
-}
-
 export default ItemPageLayout;
diff --git a/src/app/ItemTradesPage.js b/src/app/ItemTradesPage.js
index 953956f..c3c8359 100644
--- a/src/app/ItemTradesPage.js
+++ b/src/app/ItemTradesPage.js
@@ -102,7 +102,7 @@ function ItemTradesPage({
           thumbnailUrl
           description
           createdAt
-          wakaValueText
+          ncTradeValueText
         }
       }
     `,
diff --git a/src/server/loaders.js b/src/server/loaders.js
index 44703ca..133a567 100644
--- a/src/server/loaders.js
+++ b/src/server/loaders.js
@@ -1,4 +1,5 @@
 import DataLoader from "dataloader";
+import fetch from "node-fetch";
 import { normalizeRow } from "./util";
 
 const buildClosetListLoader = (db) =>
@@ -825,6 +826,31 @@ const buildItemTradesLoader = (db, loaders) =>
     { cacheKeyFn: ({ itemId, isOwned }) => `${itemId}-${isOwned}` }
   );
 
+const buildItemNCTradeValueLoader = () =>
+  new DataLoader(async (itemIds) => {
+    // This loader calls our /api/allNCTradeValues endpoint, to take advantage
+    // of the CDN caching. This helps us respond a bit faster than calling the
+    // API directly would, and avoids putting network pressure or caching
+    // complexity on our ~owls friends! (It would also be pretty reasonable to
+    // do this as a process-level cache or something instead, but I'm reusing
+    // Waka code from when we were on a more distributed system where that
+    // wouldn't have worked out, and I don't think the effort to refactor this
+    // just for the potential perf win is worthy!)
+    const url = process.env.NODE_ENV === "production"
+      ? "https://impress-2020.openneo.net/api/allNCTradeValues"
+      : "http://localhost:3000/api/allNCTradeValues";
+    const res = await fetch(url);
+    if (!res.ok) {
+      throw new Error(
+        `Error loading /api/allNCTradeValues: ${res.status} ${res.statusText}`
+      );
+    }
+
+    const allNCTradeValues = await res.json();
+
+    return itemIds.map((itemId) => allNCTradeValues[itemId]);
+  });
+
 const buildPetTypeLoader = (db, loaders) =>
   new DataLoader(async (petTypeIds) => {
     const qs = petTypeIds.map((_) => "?").join(",");
@@ -1495,6 +1521,7 @@ function buildLoaders(db) {
     db
   );
   loaders.itemTradesLoader = buildItemTradesLoader(db, loaders);
+  loaders.itemNCTradeValueLoader = buildItemNCTradeValueLoader();
   loaders.petTypeLoader = buildPetTypeLoader(db, loaders);
   loaders.petTypeBySpeciesAndColorLoader = buildPetTypeBySpeciesAndColorLoader(
     db,
diff --git a/src/server/types/Item.js b/src/server/types/Item.js
index 343ec21..8ba162f 100644
--- a/src/server/types/Item.js
+++ b/src/server/types/Item.js
@@ -33,6 +33,18 @@ const typeDefs = gql`
     """
     wakaValueText: String @cacheControl(maxAge: ${oneHour})
 
+    """
+    This item's NC trade value as a human-readable string. Returns null if the
+    value is not known.
+
+    Note that the format of this string is not well-specified—it's fully
+    human-curated and may include surprising words or extra notes! We recommend
+    presenting the text exactly as-is, rather than trying to parse and math it.
+
+    This data is currently curated by neopets.com/~owls, thank you!! <3
+    """
+    ncTradeValueText: String @cacheControl(maxAge: ${oneHour})
+
     currentUserOwnsThis: Boolean! @cacheControl(maxAge: 0, scope: PRIVATE)
     currentUserWantsThis: Boolean! @cacheControl(maxAge: 0, scope: PRIVATE)
 
@@ -344,6 +356,20 @@ const resolvers = {
       // This feature is deprecated, so now we just always return unknown value.
       return null;
     },
+    ncTradeValueText: async ({ id }, _, { itemNCTradeValueLoader }) => {
+      let ncTradeValue;
+      try {
+        ncTradeValue = await itemNCTradeValueLoader.load(id);
+      } catch (e) {
+        console.error(
+          `Error loading ncTradeValueText for item ${id}, skipping:`
+        );
+        console.error(e);
+        ncTradeValue = null;
+      }
+
+      return ncTradeValue ? ncTradeValue.valueText : null;
+    },
 
     currentUserOwnsThis: async (
       { id },