diff --git a/app/controllers/pet_types_controller.rb b/app/controllers/pet_types_controller.rb
index ed30e051..bcef99e7 100644
--- a/app/controllers/pet_types_controller.rb
+++ b/app/controllers/pet_types_controller.rb
@@ -1,4 +1,37 @@
 class PetTypesController < ApplicationController
+	def index
+		color = Color.find params[:color_id]
+		pet_types = color.pet_types.includes(pet_states: [:swf_assets]).
+			includes(species: [:translations])
+
+		# This is a relatively big request, for relatively static data. Let's
+		# consider it fresh for 10min (so new pet releases show up quickly), but
+		# it's also okay for the client to quickly serve the cached copy then
+		# reload in the background, if it's been less than a day.
+		expires_in 10.minutes, stale_while_revalidate: 1.day, public: true
+
+		# We dive deep to get all the right fields for appearance data, cuz this
+		# endpoint is primarily used to power the preview on the item page!
+		render json: pet_types.map { |pt|
+			pt.as_json(
+				only: [:id, :body_id],
+				include: {
+					species: {only: [:id], methods: [:name, :human_name]},
+					canonical_pet_state: {
+						only: [:id],
+						methods: [:pose],
+						include: {
+							swf_assets: {
+								only: [:id, :known_glitches],
+      					methods: [:zone, :restricted_zones, :urls],
+							},
+						},
+					},
+				},
+			)
+		}
+	end
+
 	def show
 		@pet_type = PetType.
 			where(species_id: params[:species_id]).
diff --git a/app/models/color.rb b/app/models/color.rb
index d7c50e80..d57dcedd 100644
--- a/app/models/color.rb
+++ b/app/models/color.rb
@@ -1,5 +1,6 @@
 class Color < ApplicationRecord
   translates :name
+  has_many :pet_types
   
   scope :alphabetical, -> {
     ct = Color::Translation.arel_table
@@ -24,7 +25,7 @@ class Color < ApplicationRecord
   end
   
   def as_json(options={})
-    {id: id, name: human_name, unfunny_name: unfunny_human_name, prank: prank?}
+    {id: id, name: name, human_name: human_name}
   end
 
   def human_name
diff --git a/app/models/pet_state.rb b/app/models/pet_state.rb
index 8ab1563f..ac80eb72 100644
--- a/app/models/pet_state.rb
+++ b/app/models/pet_state.rb
@@ -25,7 +25,7 @@ class PetState < ApplicationRecord
   }
 
   # Filter pet states using the "pose" concept we use in the editor.
-  scope :with_pose, ->(pose) {
+  scope :with_pose, -> pose {
     case pose
     when "UNCONVERTED"
       where(unconverted: true)
@@ -71,16 +71,6 @@ class PetState < ApplicationRecord
     end
   end
 
-  def as_json(options={})
-    {
-      id: id,
-      gender_mood_description: gender_mood_description,
-      swf_asset_ids: swf_asset_ids_array,
-      artist_name: artist_name,
-      artist_url: artist_url
-    }
-  end
-
   def reassign_children_to!(main_pet_state)
     self.contributions.each do |contribution|
       contribution.contributed = main_pet_state
@@ -127,47 +117,6 @@ class PetState < ApplicationRecord
       rel.save!
     end
   end
-  
-  def mood
-    Mood.find(self.mood_id)
-  end
-  
-  def gender_name
-    if female?
-      I18n.translate("pet_states.description.gender.female")
-    else
-      I18n.translate("pet_states.description.gender.male")
-    end
-  end
-  
-  def mood_name
-    I18n.translate("pet_states.description.mood.#{mood.name}")
-  end
-  
-  def gender_mood_description
-    if glitched?
-      I18n.translate('pet_states.description.glitched')
-    elsif unconverted?
-      I18n.translate('pet_states.description.unconverted')
-    elsif labeled?
-      I18n.translate('pet_states.description.main', :gender => gender_name,
-                     :mood => mood_name)
-    else
-      I18n.translate('pet_states.description.unlabeled')
-    end
-  end
-
-  def artist_name
-    artist_neopets_username || I18n.translate("pet_states.default_artist_name")
-  end
-
-  def artist_url
-    if artist_neopets_username
-      "https://www.neopets.com/userlookup.phtml?user=#{artist_neopets_username}"
-    else
-      nil
-    end
-  end
 
   def self.from_pet_type_and_biology_info(pet_type, info)
     swf_asset_ids = []
@@ -223,31 +172,5 @@ class PetState < ApplicationRecord
     pet_state.unconverted = (relationships.size == 1)
     pet_state
   end
-
-  # Copied from https://github.com/matchu/neopets/blob/5d13a720b616ba57fbbd54541f3e5daf02b3fedc/lib/neopets/pet/mood.rb
-  class Mood
-    attr_reader :id, :name
-    
-    def initialize(options)
-      @id = options[:id]
-      @name = options[:name]
-    end
-    
-    def self.find(id)
-      self.all_by_id[id.to_i]
-    end
-    
-    def self.all
-      @all ||= [
-        Mood.new(:id => 1, :name => :happy),
-        Mood.new(:id => 2, :name => :sad),
-        Mood.new(:id => 4, :name => :sick)
-      ]
-    end
-    
-    def self.all_by_id
-      @all_by_id ||= self.all.inject({}) { |h, m| h[m.id] = m; h }
-    end
-  end
 end
 
diff --git a/app/models/pet_type.rb b/app/models/pet_type.rb
index feaea0b8..159d0291 100644
--- a/app/models/pet_type.rb
+++ b/app/models/pet_type.rb
@@ -59,15 +59,10 @@ class PetType < ApplicationRecord
   end
 
   def as_json(options={})
-    if options[:for] == 'wardrobe'
-      {
-        :id => id,
-        :body_id => body_id,
-        :pet_states => pet_states.emotion_order.as_json
-      }
-    else
-      {:image_hash => image_hash}
-    end
+    super({
+      only: [:id],
+      methods: [:color, :species]
+    }.merge(options))
   end
 
   def image_hash
@@ -157,6 +152,31 @@ class PetType < ApplicationRecord
     end
   end
 
+  def canonical_pet_state
+    # For consistency (randomness is always scary!), we use the PetType ID to
+    # determine which gender to prefer. That way, it'll be stable, but we'll
+    # still get the *vibes* of uniform randomness.
+    preferred_gender = id % 2 == 0 ? :fem : :masc
+
+    # NOTE: If this were only being called on one pet type at a time, it would
+    # be more efficient to send this as a single query with an `order` part and
+    # just get the first record. But we most importantly call this on all the
+    # pet types for a single color at once, in which case it's better for the
+    # caller to use `includes(:pet_states)` to preload the pet states then sort
+    # then in Ruby here, rather than send ~50 queries. Also, there's generally
+    # very few pet states per pet type, so the perf difference is negligible.
+    pet_states.sort_by { |pet_state|
+      gender = pet_state.female? ? :fem : :masc
+      [
+        pet_state.mood_id.present? ? -1 : 1, # Prefer mood is labeled
+        pet_state.mood_id, # Prefer mood is happy, then sad, then sick
+        gender == preferred_gender ? -1 : 1, # Prefer our "random" gender
+        -pet_state.id, # Prefer newer pet states
+        !pet_state.glitched? ? -1 : 1, # Prefer is not glitched
+      ]
+    }.first
+  end
+
   def self.all_by_ids_or_children(ids, pet_states)
     pet_states_by_pet_type_id = {}
     pet_states.each do |pet_state|
diff --git a/config/locales/en.yml b/config/locales/en.yml
index 718f13bc..37d332a2 100644
--- a/config/locales/en.yml
+++ b/config/locales/en.yml
@@ -715,7 +715,6 @@ en:
       glitched: Glitched
       unconverted: Unconverted
       unlabeled: Unlabeled
-    default_artist_name: the OpenNeo team
 
   pet_types:
     human_name: "%{color_human_name} %{species_human_name}"
diff --git a/config/routes.rb b/config/routes.rb
index 2ff04e02..3e80b268 100644
--- a/config/routes.rb
+++ b/config/routes.rb
@@ -23,11 +23,14 @@ OpenneoImpressItems::Application.routes.draw do
       get :needed
     end
   end
-  resources :species do
-    resources :colors do
+  resources :species, only: [] do
+    resources :colors, only: [] do
       get :pet_type, to: 'pet_types#show'
     end
   end
+  resources :colors, only: [] do
+    resources :pet_types, only: [:index]
+  end
 
   # Loading and modeling pets!
   post '/pets/load' => 'pets#load', :as => :load_pet